Transcript of president Obama’s conversation with General Stanley McChrystal (June 22, 2010):

Transcript of president Obama’s conversation with General Stanley McChrystal (June 22, 2010):
General Stanley McChrystal: Obama?
President Obama: Yes, Stan?
General Stan McChrystal: Have you ever seen an Afghan drink a glass of water?
President Obama: Well, I can’t say I have.
General Stan McChrystal: Vodka, that’s what they drink, isn’t it? Never water?
President Obama: Well, I-I believe that’s what they drink, Stan, yes.
General Stan McChrystal: On no account will an Afghan ever drink water, and not without good reason.
President Obama: Oh, eh, yes. I, hmm, can’t quite see what you’re getting at, Stan.
General Stan McChrystal: Water, that’s what I’m getting at, water. Obama, water is the source of all life. Seven-tenths of this earth’s surface is water. Why, do you realize that seventy percent of you is water?
President Obama: Uh, uh, Good Lord!
General Stan McChrystal: And as human beings, you and I need fresh, pure water to replenish our precious bodily fluids.
President Obama: Yes. (He begins to chuckle nervously)
General Stan McChrystal: Are you beginning to understand?
President Obama: Yes. (More laughter)
General Stan McChrystal: Obama. Obama, have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water, or rainwater, and only pure-grain alcohol?
President Obama: Well, it did occur to me, Stan, yes.
General Stan McChrystal: Have you ever heard of a thing called fluoridation. Fluoridation of water?
President Obama: Uh? Yes, II have heard of that, Stan, yes. Yes.
General Stan McChrystal: Well, do you know what it is?
President Obama: No, no I don’t know what it is, no.
General Stan McChrystal: Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous Afghani plot we have ever had to face?
General Stan McChrystal: Obama, do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk… ice cream. Ice cream, Obama, children’s ice cream.
President Obama: Lord, Stan.
General Stan McChrystal: You know when fluoridation first began?
President Obama: I– no, no. I don’t, Stan.
General Stan McChrystal: Nineteen hundred and forty-six. Nineteen forty-six, Obama. How does that coincide with your post-war Afghan conspiracy, huh? It’s incredibly obvious, isn’t it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That’s the way your hard-core Afghan works.
President Obama: Uh, Stan, Stan, listen, tell me, tell me, Stan. When did you first… become… well, develop this theory?
General Stan McChrystal: Well, I, uh… I… I… first became aware of it, Obama, during the physical act of love.
President Obama: Hmm.
General Stan McChrystal: Yes, a uh, a profound sense of fatigue… a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I… I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence.
President Obama: Hmm.
General Stan McChrystal: I can assure you it has not recurred, Obama. Women uh… women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh… I do not avoid women, Obama.
President Obama: No.
General Stan McChrystal: But I… I do deny them my essence.

Published by @philammann

Put. That coffee. Down. Writer/editor/whatever it takes. @margaretj13 is my (much) better half. Website: Email: Twitter: @PhilAmmann

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