Lost in Love?

You find yourself in love… and this time you know it’s different. You will do whatever it takes to keep it.

Feels great doesn’t it?

Of course, that is until you find yourself completely consumed with romance. You start to feel lost, and feel as though you don’t know yourself any more. Sadly, your friends start to fade away.

You have heard someone say, “You can’t truly love someone unless you first love yourself.” But in this relationship, you find yourself focusing 100 percent on loving someone else and all your energies on keeping your love together.

Is this right or wrong? A hard question to answer… isn’t it? It’s true you want to make your loved one feel as if they are the most important person in the world, but what about you?

Compromise in a relationship is vital, but replacing who you really are with the thoughts, feelings and emotions of another is not. When you realize that you may be in a totally consuming relationship, there will be little left but resentment towards your partner. It is hard to reclaim yourself while staying in this kind of relationship. The outcome is usually heart-breaking crisis, with no one to blame but you.        

On the other side is finding yourself in a halfhearted relationship. In this, one or both of you hold back affections until you know for sure that yours is in love with you. In this type of relationship you fear that you will be putting more into the relationship than what you get out of it. This conditional view creates a lot of emotional insecurities on both sides and typically doesn’t end well.  

Both of these relationships are very unhealthy and are led by fear. In an all-consuming relationship, it’s fear of not being loved. In a halfhearted relationship, it’s a fear of being hurt. In order to love whole-heartedly without losing who you are requires a different perspective on relationships all together. Even though you know that relationships require work, you may find yourself thinking that all it takes is to meet the right person.        

Are you wishing for a partner who is going to give themselves to the relationship 100 percent? Then you first need to take a close look at yourself. Ask are you willing to do the same? Do you give back the same as what you get? Listen to your heart. When things feel right, allow yourself to feel the fear and then give love anyway. Love without hesitation and with all of your heart. Don’t let your fear of rejection or getting hurt damage your relationship.   

Love is about making choices. Whatever you choose it must be done whole-heartedly, that way there is a good chance you will never lose it. 

Love teaches you to become a better person.

Restore your faith in love and become emotionally available to each other. Put your fears and your past behind you. Learn to trust by trusting yourself… the most powerful lesson you will ever learn.

Love is not something you find, but something that you share. A relationship allows you to do this. Don’t turn your back on love every time it touches you, because if you give up on love then you give up on yourself.

Published by @philammann

Put. That coffee. Down. Writer/editor/whatever it takes. @margaretj13 is my (much) better half. Website: FloridaPolitics.com Email: phil@floridapolitics.com Twitter: @PhilAmmann

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